They had nearly reached the front door of the restaurant when Chris stopped Zach with a hand on his arm. “Are you sure you want to do this?” It wasn’t the first time he’d asked that question over the last few weeks, but it was the first time he’d asked it with the subtext because I’m not sure I want to.
Zach gave him a concerned look. “This was your idea.”
“I know, but…” Chris started, letting his arm drop. Zach glanced around and quickly led Chris around the side of the building. It wasn’t a private area by any means, but at least it was away from the sidewalk and the people passing by.
“Alright, what’s going on?”
“I’m afraid I bullied you into this,” Chris blurted, pointing his eyes firmly at the ground.
“Chris, you ignorant slut,” Zach quipped, trying to get Chris to crack a smile. It didn’t work. “C’mon, you know you can’t bully me into anything. You’re too damn adorable.”
At least it made Chris finally look up. “But you were so adamant before. And you said it yourself – we can’t take it back.”
Zach looked hard into Chris’ eyes, trying to figure out what the problem was. They’d been over all of this before, multiple times, in excruciating detail. They’d fought and screamed and made up, and done it all over again the next week. It had taken Zach all that time to make his decision and he was too firmly convinced to reconsider. “Hey,” he said lightly, “are you trying to talk me out of this now?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m trying to get you to talk me back into it.”
“Chris, you were right.” That got his attention. “How often do I say that?”
“Like, twice. Ever.”
“Uh-huh. It took me a while to see it, but you’re right. This needs to happen. And if you’re having last minute nerves, that’s fine. We can postpone this if you want.”
Chris bit his lip. “Do you want to postpone it?”
“No,” Zach said with a gentle smile. “I think the timing is perfect. I’m ready.”
Chris still looked shaky, and Zach fought back the urge to wrap his arms around Chris, hold him tightly until the jitters went away. “Chris,” he started, “You remember what you said to me in that shitty bar that started all of this?”
Chris laughed, surprised. “I said a lot of things.”
“You said you were tired of regretting the things you weren’t brave enough to do. That’s always stuck with me. And you are quite possibly the bravest person I’ve ever met.”
Zach paused to let that sink in and Chris appeared to mull it over. Finally, he asked, “Didn’t you meet that guy who got his arm ripped off by a shark but still goes surfing anyway?”
Zach laughed and nodded. “That’s what I’m saying. I know how hard it was for you to be so open with me. You spent your whole life thinking about yourself one way – as straight – but you had the courage to completely reevaluate that. And you did it for me. Don’t think I don’t appreciate that every single day.”
When Chris looked up, Zach could see he was blinking back tears. “Could you, um, could you kiss me right now?”
Zach grinned and leaned in, wrapping his hands around Chris’ waist and kissing him tenderly, trying to pour all his love and support for Chris into the soft brush of his lips. By the time he pulled back, Chris seemed to have gotten himself together – his hands were no longer shaking and his eyes were clear. “Okay,” he said, “let’s do this.”
Yellow Light, one year later, PG (1/2)
Zach gave him a concerned look. “This was your idea.”
“I know, but…” Chris started, letting his arm drop. Zach glanced around and quickly led Chris around the side of the building. It wasn’t a private area by any means, but at least it was away from the sidewalk and the people passing by.
“Alright, what’s going on?”
“I’m afraid I bullied you into this,” Chris blurted, pointing his eyes firmly at the ground.
“Chris, you ignorant slut,” Zach quipped, trying to get Chris to crack a smile. It didn’t work. “C’mon, you know you can’t bully me into anything. You’re too damn adorable.”
At least it made Chris finally look up. “But you were so adamant before. And you said it yourself – we can’t take it back.”
Zach looked hard into Chris’ eyes, trying to figure out what the problem was. They’d been over all of this before, multiple times, in excruciating detail. They’d fought and screamed and made up, and done it all over again the next week. It had taken Zach all that time to make his decision and he was too firmly convinced to reconsider. “Hey,” he said lightly, “are you trying to talk me out of this now?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m trying to get you to talk me back into it.”
“Chris, you were right.” That got his attention. “How often do I say that?”
“Like, twice. Ever.”
“Uh-huh. It took me a while to see it, but you’re right. This needs to happen. And if you’re having last minute nerves, that’s fine. We can postpone this if you want.”
Chris bit his lip. “Do you want to postpone it?”
“No,” Zach said with a gentle smile. “I think the timing is perfect. I’m ready.”
Chris still looked shaky, and Zach fought back the urge to wrap his arms around Chris, hold him tightly until the jitters went away. “Chris,” he started, “You remember what you said to me in that shitty bar that started all of this?”
Chris laughed, surprised. “I said a lot of things.”
“You said you were tired of regretting the things you weren’t brave enough to do. That’s always stuck with me. And you are quite possibly the bravest person I’ve ever met.”
Zach paused to let that sink in and Chris appeared to mull it over. Finally, he asked, “Didn’t you meet that guy who got his arm ripped off by a shark but still goes surfing anyway?”
Zach laughed and nodded. “That’s what I’m saying. I know how hard it was for you to be so open with me. You spent your whole life thinking about yourself one way – as straight – but you had the courage to completely reevaluate that. And you did it for me. Don’t think I don’t appreciate that every single day.”
When Chris looked up, Zach could see he was blinking back tears. “Could you, um, could you kiss me right now?”
Zach grinned and leaned in, wrapping his hands around Chris’ waist and kissing him tenderly, trying to pour all his love and support for Chris into the soft brush of his lips. By the time he pulled back, Chris seemed to have gotten himself together – his hands were no longer shaking and his eyes were clear. “Okay,” he said, “let’s do this.”