I'm not going to need to lift my arms, like, ever again, right?

Our tale of woe begins in mid-October, when Amazon e-mailed me one of those local deals for a yoga studio near my house.  Now, I really like the studio I've been going to, but this promised five regular yoga lessons plus one of aerial yoga for the low, low price of $30!  How do I turn down aerial yoga and not just because it might be research for a Pinto PWP?  There are hammocks!  So I bought the stupid thing, not knowing at the time that:

a) The studio was not set to even begin offering yoga classes until December, because;
b) The studio primarily teaches pole dancing.

( Also something called Foxy Boxing. Yeeeeeah, no. )