The Southern Lights

General Disclaimer: I do not own any of the fictional characters mentioned (unless they are specifically designated as OCs) and I am receiving no money for writing these.  In the case of real person fic, I do not know any of the people mentioned and no offense is meant.  It’s all written out of love.

Warning: Many of these stories contain Adult Content, which is generally ratings code for sex.  If you are not of age in your country of residence, I cannot be held responsible for melted brains and/or scarring of the eyeball.  More specific warnings accompany each fic.

Transformative Works Policy: Fancy way of saying you have my enthusiastic permission to make podfic, translations, or art of any of my fics as long as you a) attribute the original work to me (duh); and b) drop me a line to let me know when/where you've posted it!

Also, I have reposted most of my fic to Archive of Our Own, but I will continue to post and keep everything on LJ.

Note: My fic Office Hours has been set to Private. For more information, please take a look at the Master List entry and/or PM me.

Asterisk = author favorite

( Bones )

( Criminal Minds )

( Historical RPF )

( The Office )

( Star Trek XI/Reboot )

( Star Trek RPS )

( Teen Wolf )

( White Collar )

( Translations & Podfics )

Let's jump right in, then: many of you know that I'd been working as a victim advocate for survivors of sexual assault, and that I quit last month, packed up, and moved home.  I plan to be here through the holidays, and then... ???  I'm still working on the next step, but I want a fresh start.  This will be my seventh or so fresh start if you begin counting at undergrad.

And yes, I am unbelievably lucky to have the opportunity to do so, including the time off beforehand to clear my mind and remember how to be a person again instead of an advocate.  There is overlap between the two, of course, but I'm having to relearn how to feel my own feelings, rather than feeling on behalf of someone else.  That's quite easy to fall into, particularly when you've got an endless well of righteous indignation to draw on.  But I don't want to talk about my former job.  Or rather, I really, really do, but shouldn't because of (again) embracing my own feelings and can't because of confidentiality.  I've no doubt bits of it will slip in here and there, because it was something I lived and breathed for so long.  When I took a week off to go to Comic Con this summer, I was shocked -- SHOCKED! -- to find that people talked about things other than sexual assault.  No, really.

I probably would have quit my advocate job anyway, since my plan from the beginning was something like "Let's see how long I can do this job before I completely lose my mind." (Pro tip: not a good plan)  However, in addition to the not-insignificant vicarious trauma I've incurred along the way, I've been going through some primary trauma of my own.  I haven't talked about it online for reasons that will become obvious, but I'm coming up on a year anniversary of what happened, and I'm realizing I need to process more of it externally.  I've been in therapy, of course, but much of that was focused on getting me first through the immediate aftermath, and then surviving in a job that was draining all my emotional resources.  In a way, it's kind of insane that I kept doing that job, but I also believe it helped me stay on my feet.

I got out of the habit of journaling, not only on LJ but on paper, and I think it's pretty obvious that I haven't been writing much at all.  I've been off work for more than a month now and this is the most I've written of anything.  I want to start writing fic again -- quite desperately, in fact.  But this is what's on my mind now, and I wonder if maybe I need to write it out first.  I've gone back and forth on whether to post it to the internets because I'm a bit leery about indulging in the overly confessional online culture.  It's easy to do and impossible to take back.  But I've decided to go ahead with it for several reasons: a) none of the information would be damaging to me or anyone else; b) I can't seem to summon the motivation to journal for myself, so maybe having an audience will help; and, most importantly, c) when I've posted about personal struggles before, I've gotten some really invaluable support.

So here's how this is going to go: everything I post that's personal will be friends-locked.  I'll friend just about anybody who requests it, particularly if I recognize your username from another medium.  By which I mean Twitter, because that's all I use these days.  Whenever I make a new post, I'll try to remember to post the link to Twitter... otherwise I don't know that anyone will see it at all.  Perhaps this goes without saying, but even if we're internet-friends, you don't have to read any of this if you don't want to.  I recognize that not everyone wants to read the emotional word-vomit of people they barely know, but at this point in LJ's life cycle, I can't imagine you'll be stumbling across my posts by accident.  Still, I'm not going to assume anyone has or hasn't read this.  Please comment if you want to -- I'd actually love to talk with people about this, instead of just to them -- but don't feel like you have to.  I have no desire to exhaust your supply of pity.

What I would like to see happen here is that I say what I need to about my personal life, but it eventually becomes interspersed with witty, eloquent musings about pop culture until I have a functional blog once again.  What I would really love to see happen is that I resume writing fic.  What may happen is that I post this post, and then abandon the whole project and wait another year and change before posting again.  Or I just use this space to bitch about Tumblr until I slowly fade into irrelevance.  Stay tuned to find out!

So this is the obligatory post wherein I apologize for not posting much.  To be fair, I'm mostly playing in the Teen Wolf littersandbox these days, and very little of that takes place on LJ.  I keep hoping that people are going to FINALLY give up on the clusterfuck that is Tumblr and either move back to LJ or pick another platform, but so far, no dice.  I haven't posted much in the way of fic, either, though I did compete in Mating Games again and I'm pretty proud of my fics for that.  You can find the fics here and bonuses here.

I'm considering only posting new fics to AO3 and just linking to them from here.  Is there anyone who a) is still reading this; and b) prefers to read fic on LJ?  It's just nice not to have to split it up over multiple posts on AO3, and that's the place to go for fic these days.  I love AO3, but unfortunately I think that's sucked some of the community aspect out of fandom, too.  No need for a comm -- just search by fandom/pairing/whatever.

Now for the good news: I got my master's degree.  I still don't have a full-time job, but I'm interning at the Women's Center and working weekends as a victim advocate for the Rape Recovery Team.  I may start blogging about that, either here or somewhere else.  I'd have to keep it locked, of course, but I may be more motivated to process it in writing if I know people are reading.

Now for the great news: not only am I going to Comic Con, I'm going to be on a Teen Wolf Fan Works panel!  Fellow Bean zjofierose will be joining me, and along with some other writers and artists, we will discuss the creative process, how much we hate Tumblr, and various other fannish things.  If you're going to be there -- whether you're into Teen Wolf or not -- and you want to meet up to say hi or get food or talk about the Pinto Good Times (which were briefly revived on Instagram the other day), please drop me a line.  I'd love to put faces to (user)names if you're going to be there.  And yes, I will autograph any part of your anatomy as long as you provide the pen.

Actually, that's a good idea.  Well, not the anatomical thing, but getting something for online friends to sign.  Thoughts?

This time I didn't write up 3.19 before watching 3.20, but it's all fucked anyway.  Okay, not completely -- I had been preparing myself for worse -- but two Jeff Davis episodes in a row?  We are but sinners in the hands of an angry God.

( 3.19 Letharia Vulpina )

And not we move onto the hot mess that is...

( 3.20 Echo House )

::whine:: This half-season started so promisingly.  Kinda.

So I actually managed to watch this episode last Wednesday; I just never wrote it up because I'm a lazy slob.  Anyway, I figure I'd better go ahead and do it before I watch the new one -- let's see how well I do at interpreting my notes.

( 3.16 Illuminated )

Ok, I'll watch the next ep and get back to you soon.  I hear it's a good one?  Here's to hoping.

Not a whole lot to say about this one, though I did facepalm pretty hard when I saw the title.

( 3.14 More Bad Than Good )

Okay, maybe I had more to say than I thought.  I'm worried about the plethora of plotlines -- they seem to grow exponentially with each season -- but I'm trying to enjoy the fun* before the inevitable meltdown.

*For minimal values of "fun"

CHECK OUT THIS SUPER-AMAZING ART maichan DID FOR MY TEEN WOLF BIG BANG!

Warning: fans of hot dudes in uniforms may want to sit down first and/or don flame-retardant panties

ALL ATWITTER: I AM THAT.