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the_deep_magicTitle: Turnabout Intruder in My Pants (Epilogue)
Author: ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif){kind=small}
the_deep_magic
Pairing: Pinto
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 830
Warnings: crack, overused fandom trope, willing suspension of disbelief (please?)
Disclaimer: so very, very untrue
Summary: bodyswap!fic
A/N: What was begun at Beanfest 2010 was concluded at Beanfest 2011, and shall be posted forthwith. If you would like to sing “Circle of Life,” I will not stop you
Monday / Tuesday / Wednesday / Thursday / Friday / Saturday / Sunday
Huddled in a back booth of a Chinese restaurant around the corner of 42nd and 11th, Corey carefully picks the onions out of his dish. “I ordered pepper steak. Did you not hear me order pepper steak? I thought I spoke clearly.”
“You did,” says Neal, and though Corey knows he’s just humoring him, he appreciates it.
“I did not order onion steak, nor did I order pepper and onion steak. Onions were clearly not part of the bargain.”
“Suck it up, Moose. Starving children in Ethiopia and all that.”
“They are welcome to my onions.”
The first hooded figure plops onto the booth next to Corey. “Aw, man, they give you onions with your pepper steak?” Chris asks, pulling the hood of his jacket back and unwrapping his scarf. “I friggin’ hate that.”
Corey tries not to let his relief show – that’s definitely Chris back in Chris’ body. He doesn’t know the specifics of when it happened, but he legitimately did not think it would take that long. He thought they’d end up in the same city within a day, confess their undying love for each other in three days, tops. Turns out they’re both a bit thick in the skull, Chris and Zach, and Corey’s timing… well, it could have been better.
It takes a few more minutes for the second hooded figure to arrive, and fortunately he doesn’t seem to have been followed by any giggling girls wearing, for some bizarre reason, stripes. Zach slides in next to Neal, and Corey immediately blurts, “Oh, apologies, we should have rearranged so the lovebirds could sit together.”
Chris gapes. “Wait, how the hell do you know about that?”
“I have my ways, Pine,” Corey says, waggling his eyebrows.
Zach sighs. “I told Neal. I assume Neal told Corey.”
“Neal is but one of my many ways.” Nope. Despite Corey’s little… experiment, it wasn’t until Neal called him that he’d known it had been a success. He’s not, like, a wizard or anything.
“Zach, I apologize,” says Neal. “I thought Moose could pull it together and not act like a twelve-year-old this time.”
Zach frowns. “Why would you think that?”
“It’s fine,” Chris says, placatingly. “I know you won’t go around blabbing.”
“See?” Corey says, vindicated. “Somebody trusts me.”
Neal sighs heavily and turns to Chris. “I’m glad you could make it to a show. And nurse Zach back to health. He’s the biggest baby when he’s sick. I can’t imagine what he was like after a whole week of it.”
Zach starts in, defensively, “Hey, I wasn’t—”
“Oh, he wasn’t so bad,” Chris says, flushing, and Corey has to stop himself from shaking his head in sadness. These guys are actors? Pitiful. But Neal doesn’t seem to suspect anything amiss, and Corey doesn’t plan on divulging that particular secret any time soon.
He might as well help them out and change the subject. “So, Chris, how much longer are you in town for?”
“I have to fly out in the morning,” he says, with a quick glance at Zach. “Preproduction on This Means War.”
“Then why are you sitting here wasting time with us?” Corey asks. He gestures with his chopsticks. “Go. Go forth and… well, for god’ s sake, don’t procreate, but enjoy yourselves.”
Zach groans and drops his forehead to the table, but Chris just reaches across the table and ruffles Zach’s hair. “We just wanted to stop by and say hello. So, ‘hello.’ Now we’re off.”
Corey watches as Zach tries to look annoyed with Chris and fails miserably, hitting “lovesick” pretty dead on. “I’ll talk to you guys tomorrow,” Zach says, pushing up from the table. Chris quickly follows, mutters a “goodbye,” then they’re both pulling their hoods back up and heading for the door.
Neal watches them go, then turns his attention back to his cashew chicken and shakes his head. “Jesus, they might as well just hold hands and skip out of here. They’re gonna get caught.”
“Neal, could you stop being a Grinch for five seconds and be happy for them? We’ve had to listen to Zach pining – if you’ll excuse the terrible pun – for years, and obviously Chris just needed a little push.”
Eyes narrowing in suspicion, Neal asks, “Why are you so pleased about this? It’s not like you had anything to do with it.”
“Didn’t I, Neal? Didn’t I?”
“Did you call up Chris and tell him Zach was in love with him.”
“No.”
“Did you convince Zach to confess his undying love for Chris?”
“Not exactly.”
Neal rolls his eyes. “’Not exactly.’ What does that even mean?”
“It means that sometimes people need a little… nudge in the right direction. The more unconventional the situation, the more unconventional the… nudge.”
“What are you talking about?”
Corey grins, leaning back proudly in his chair. “The O’Flannery brothers know about more than auto repair, Nealy boy. Much, much more.”
Neal rolls his eyes. “Whatever, Moose. Eat your pepper steak.”
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-11-13 05:54 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 03:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-13 05:54 am (UTC)OHMYGOD.
Ok, I was already excited to begin with, just from seeing this finished, but this? This right here? GREATEST EPILOGUE EVER.
“The O’Flannery brothers know about more than auto repair, Nealy boy. Much, much more.”
How did this happen? How is this real? My brain cannot process this level of awesome in one sitting okay. It just can't.
If I wasn't already infatuated with every word you write, this would've sealed the deal. Know that.
no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 03:54 am (UTC)I love this comment so much I am going to cuddle it (and only grope it a little).
no subject
Date: 2011-11-13 07:48 am (UTC)Goodness gracious, it's almost midnight and the household is asleep, so I'm semi-asphyxiating myself trying to contain my reactions, which are numerous and epic.
You win all the things, bb!
no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 03:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-13 10:00 am (UTC)I love that Chris is totally cool with everything here and Zach is the embarrassed one. And I love your Neal and Corey! Thank you for such a bubbly and funny epilogue to this epic - I enjoyed every single word and now that it's done I get to go reread it from the beginning again. Yay!
no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-13 11:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 03:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-13 01:04 pm (UTC)this was amazing all the way. Thanks for the fast updates for these last too installments! and thank you for writing it. :D
(I don't completely get the O'Flannery reference, though. /o\ what is is referencing? other than that it means that Corey did it, which is perfect.)
no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 03:59 am (UTC)And the O'Flannery thing was referring to this conversation about Corey in the Friday part:
“Peyote, actually. Summer between junior and senior year, he went to Arizona on a ‘spirit quest.’ But the best Neal and I can tell, he actually spent three months stoned off his gourd in a makeshift yurt behind O’Flannery Brothers Auto Repair in Sedona.”
no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 04:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-13 11:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 03:59 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-14 01:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 04:00 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 03:02 am (UTC)I'm so glad you decided to finish this fic, love. It turned out amazingly, and I'm sure it will remain a favorite. For like, years to come or something. <3
Lovesick Zach... oh, dear. <3 <3 <3
no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 04:01 am (UTC)In my head.
A MILLION IMAGINARY MUFFIN GIFT BASKET THANK YOUS FOR ALL YOUR FIC CHEERLEADING. I couldn't have finished it without you, for serious.
no subject
Date: 2011-11-15 12:16 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 02:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 02:14 am (UTC)Have you pissed off any witch doctors lately?”
“Nope. Ugulu and I patched things up last week. – this is why I love you. This whole dialogue, actually. Actually, all of the dialogue was just brilliant and sarcastic and hilarious.
I love their threats to each other, like Chris threatening to eat corn dogs (aka Zach's worst nightmare!), and “Just for that, I am going to find that visor in your closet, put it on backwards, and get papped coming out of LAMILL. No, not LAMILL. Starbucks. And I’ll even wave sweetly for the cameras.”
OMG how much do I love that Zach has Christian Bale fantasies
“Oh my god, not okay, Zach! Bad touch! Bad touch!” - DYING.
Chris had almost forgotten how obnoxious arguing with Zach can be. It usually gives him a stabbing pain just behind his left eye – he hopes Zach’s feeling it now.
He does his best to replicate the tragically dorky smile he knows Chris is sporting in the picture - I just love all the references to each other's bodies. i mean, i guess it's obvious, but you just found all these amazing subtle places to throw these references in.
Well, Chris and Joe had done a little drunk cuddling on the press tour, so this isn’t totally unprecedented. - AHEM. FIC.
Have I mentioned that I love fics that quote Angels in America?
LOL OKAY, I was in hysterics when Chris fell off the bed. Which was not ideal, because I was at work. But it's all good :-)
“Yurts aren’t Native American.”
“Yeah, neither are the O’Flannery brothers."
Where do you come up with this shit? Because I want to go there.
LOL, THE END! OMG. I actually really did not see that coming. Wow.
You are an amazing and fucking hilarious writer. For reals.
no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 02:47 am (UTC)I imagine in the mirror!verse of this, it would have escalated into an all-out war with Zach in Chris' body getting papped reading The DaVinci Code and Chris in Zach's body convincing Before the Door to start producing romantic comedies. Which, okay, might not be all that worse than some of the shit they come out with.
OMG how much do I love that Zach has Christian Bale fantasies
I thought long and hard about who Zach might have sexual fantasies about. Yes I did.
Where do you come up with this shit? Because I want to go there.
I think I came up with that particular gem whilst in the shower. Which I suppose you're welcome to, but please bring your own loofah.
I totally love this comment, for reals.
no subject
Date: 2011-11-21 10:53 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-11-24 02:17 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-23 06:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-01-24 04:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 06:56 am (UTC)especially enjoy that it was Corey who dunnit. XDDD
no subject
Date: 2012-03-14 03:00 am (UTC)Wow
Date: 2012-04-26 03:50 am (UTC)thank you!!!
Re: Wow
Date: 2012-04-26 04:12 am (UTC)