People (Who Are Not You) Who Are Published Authors

[the_deep_magic]

It's what you've all been waiting for: Literary Review has announced the winner of its Bad Sex in Fiction Award for 2009! This year's nominees don't seem as bad as the ones I remember from last year. I mean, they're certainly not good, but I'm pretty sure (or at least I hope) that some of them are supposed to be loathsome. The Bunny one cracks me up. The winner, however, is legitimately, eye-sporkingly awful. It starts with this sentence: "This sex was watching at me, spying on me, like a Gorgon's head, like a motionless Cyclops whose single eye never blinks" ('watching at me'? really?!) and then it gets weird.

Let us all learn what we can from these abhorrent examples. Words You Should NEVER Use While Writing Porn: irradiated, fish-slime, reeking, anchorage, squirrel, blubber, fragrant, oysterish, anticlockwise, and last -- but definitely not least -- Vaginaland.

Has anybody read any of these books? Is there any sort of context that would make a phrase like "the gravid tremulousness of her breasts" less than hilarious?

Comments

[ohourheartsbeat.livejournal.com]

OH.

MY.

GAWD.

[pikasafire.livejournal.com]

I am taking this link and sending it to everyone in my writing class.

Freaking hilarious! <3333

[the-deep-magic.livejournal.com]

This is another good one: How to Write Badly Well (http://writebadlywell.blogspot.com/).