Then they go on unicorn rides through Candy Land and have a threesome with Queen Frostine

[the_deep_magic]

Holy crap, my Muse is super-schmoopy these days.  One of my Pintofest fics is so... I don't even know.  It's like I'm not in control of the schmoop anymore.  I fully expect Chris to adopt a stray unicorn named Mr. Fuzzums who eats sunshine and poops rainbows.  I'm trying to make the other fic extra-porny to compensate, but there is only so much porn-per-sentence you can write before it devolves into a simple list of names, body parts, and suggestive verbs.

On a somewhat related note, I have the hardest time writing kisses.  There's a very narrow window between abstract vagueness and distracting anatomical detail that I can't seem to find.  I can usually just write straight through a sex scene and be satisfied with it after minor edits, but if I've written a kiss, you can bet I spent hours rewording and rearranging the same three sentences and am still not completely happy with it.  From what I've read, it seems to be a fairly common problem in fandom (and maybe fiction in general) -- not that people write kisses poorly, but that there are very few that are written memorably well.

So I'm curious: what things do you find difficult or frustrating to write?

Comments

[pikasafire.livejournal.com]

i know it's another common complaint, but I hate sex/action scenes. I can never keep track of who's doing what and then it's all 'he puts his hand here, brushes *insert character*'s mouth and then picks up ... idk, a flower, and OMG, bb! I DO HAVE THREE HANDS!.

Plus, I find sex boring to write a lot of the time, and it's a struggle to make it original and well written AND hot!

Though you have made me just realise there's never much kissing in my fics. Or none that's explicitly described for long. Hmmm. Interesting...

[the-deep-magic.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean about action scenes -- I constantly have to stop and reread what I've written so I know who's where. I have an easier time with sex scenes for some reason, though it IS really tough to make the sex original.

[ewinfic.livejournal.com]

DO NOT FEAR THE FLUFF. It's good stuff.

Kisses are really fucking hard... you want to capture the feeling of a kiss, which has almost nothing to do with two spongey membrances sucking on each other while two muscular organs smear wetly together. Blargh. I fight with kissing all the time.

My personal bogey is the word "anus", honestly. I use it, I love it, but I always worry that I'm squicking somebody because I don't see it that often in fic. And I hate the word "hole" but it's just so serviceable.

For some reason, blowjobs are easy to write...

[the-deep-magic.livejournal.com]

OMG, names for body parts are their own horror story, mostly because nearly everyone has their own unshakeable opinion of what is sexy vs. eye-gougingly horrible. Maybe this is why I don't write much het -- I absolutely cannot use the word "pussy." If I'm reading a well-written story and it's used sparingly, I can deal, but I try to type it and I don't get past the P before something in my brain screams NO THAT IS THE LEAST SEXY WORD EVER DO NOT WANT. And I was in a college production of The Vagina Monologues, so I'd just as soon go with "cunt," but for some people that's dealbreaker #1, so... I'll just stick with cocks, thank you very much!

(That's what she... nah, too easy)

Okay, that got maybe a little more detailed than it should've, but none of us have any shame anymore, right? ;o)

[ewinfic.livejournal.com]

You might not believe this, but I have a hatred for the word "pussy" too, and I've been forced to use it quite a few times. I can't use anything in my writing without it growing on me just a little, so I don't get dry heaves anymore, but I still HATE THAT WORD. I prefer cunt as well. The problem I really run into is wanting to use "labia", which I think is a lovely word, but um, some folks don't even know what it IS. *heavy sigh*

[the-deep-magic.livejournal.com]

There are really that many people confused by "labia"? In that case, I should think it would be a public service* for you to use it and force people to look it up. On the internet. Eh, never mind. What really gets me is when a writer refers to EVERYTHING below the waist as a vagina. Sure, the parts don't all have fun, sexy names, but "vagina" is not a catch-all term.

*Yes, I really wanted to type "pubic service."

[leopardchic79.livejournal.com]

I hate writing sex scenes. I always feel like I'm just making a list... and then he touched this, and then he kissed him, and then, etc, etc. grrr.

I also generally dislike writing the ending to a story. I know how I want it to end I just usually can't find a way to fit what I want. I swear I'm going to just start ending them "and they lived happily ever after, the end!" lol

[the-deep-magic.livejournal.com]

Yes, endings! I'm always tempted to write AND THEN THEY HAVE A LOT MORE SEX I DON'T KNOW YOU FIGURE IT OUT. I rewrite endings over and over and over...

[lavender-basil.livejournal.com]

Just a quick note to say, "ZOMG! You are writing schmoop?" Excuse me while I go and do cartwheels around the room. I love your schmoop! And if Chris really needs to "adopt a stray unicorn named Mr. Fuzzums who eats sunshine and poops rainbows," who are you to deny him this? ;)

I rarely write fiction but I used to struggle with "firsts". First look, first kiss, first etc. Working in emotional vulnerability, good story and the mechanics of makin' out always felt like a puzzle that I was too dense to solve. For some reason it is easier for me to write established stuff than first *anything*. This is why I love your "Yellow Light" so.very.much. You handled all the first time stuff with such grace, humor and excellent storytelling.

[the-deep-magic.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you! Yeah, firsts are definitely tough -- I generally start already knowing the premise and where I want to end up (coughcoughsexcough), but not how to get there.

[plot-h0les.livejournal.com]

Do you know, they actually call her Princess Frostine now? It makes me sad...

[the-deep-magic.livejournal.com]

They did WHAT?!

::scours internets::

Okay, I can deal with the fact that Gloppy is now made of chocolate instead of molasses, but they... they replaced Plumpy? I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN A WORLD WITHOUT PLUMPY! ::flings self on burning pyre::

[plot-h0les.livejournal.com]

I know, right? I spent this past christmas party having a long, drunken conversation about the ruination of candyland and how much of my childhood just got destroyed. I mean, come on, Queen Frostine at least rhymed and we didn't really need to disney-fy the game with princesses!